December

The Words:
Final
History
Long
Over
Promise

The Poetry
History. Final.
A long over(due) promise.
Let's do it again.

The Motivation

The final blog. That means 2012 is almost over. I don’t want to say I’m glad it’s over, because a lot of good things happened this year. But unfortunately, in my book, 2012 can stick it where the sun don’t shine. It’s been a very long year, and I look forward to the promise that 2013 might bring.

Post script: The above was written on the “designated” day, December 20^th, but not posted that day. Since this is the last blog I thought (hope) the peeps will forgive me by cheating a little bit and adding this next piece in, written on January 2^nd, 2013, which is (in my opinion) not quite as sad.

I want to try and be a happier person. I want to remember the good things about 2012, the happy times. I’m going to (try to) focus on having a healthier mind and body this year, and to love those around me, rather than (mentally) push them away. Here’s to a promising 2013!

November

The Words:

Decisions
Difficult
Seconds
Thanks
Wine


The Poetry

Wine and decisions,

Not seconds in the making.

Such difficult thanks.

 

The Motivation:

November kicked off the holiday season. A season I’ve been dreading since May. But here it is, and I have to deal with it. The way that I choose to deal with it? Wine. And lots of it.

November also brought a lot of decisions that need to be made. I hate making decisions. It’s probably the reason I stayed in my first marriage so long - because I didn’t want to decide to do what was best for both of us and just get out. A lot of those tough decisions have been made, and are over, until the next one rears its ugly head.

I’ll be lucky to make it through the rest of the holiday season with limited tears. And thankful that there is always seconds available on the wine.

October

The Words:

Lopsided

Whiskey

Beaver

Film

Exhausted

The Vision:

The Poetry:

Lopsided beaver,

Exhausted from the whiskey;

Someone please film this.

The Motivation:

This month, I didn’t choose the words.

While out of town, I was prompted by the peeps that it was the 6^th and I hadn’t yet submitted my words. I asked if they wanted drunk words. And yes, of course they did. So, rather than come up with something (I’ll admit, it’s getting harder and harder to give the five words each month) I went around the table and made everyone give me a word.

After filtering a few selections (let’s keep it PG-13 people!), I sent the words to the peeps. These were the responses I got…

“That. Is. Awesome.”

“I’m supposed to sleep now?”

I’ll let you guess which was which, but one of them was so inspired he submitted his entry the next day!

This is what happens over beers, shots, wings, and oysters at Murphy’s Law during Fall Bike Week at Myrtle Beach. Damn bikers…

September

The Words:


Beauty
Change
Create
Inspire
Majestic

The Vision:
 

 
The Poetry:

Majestic beauty.

Excessive appellation.

Inspire change. Create.

The Motivation:

Labor Day weekend we went to the mountains. The Blue Ridge Parkway on the back of a bike is gorgeous! In years past we have gone during the color change. That means, a bitterly cold ride, but worth it to see the colors. This year we went during more pleasant weather. Even without the vibrant colors of the leaves, the mountains are still just as pretty. God’s creations are amazing.

August

The Words:

Crazy
Milestone
Rest
Service
Winning

The Vision:


The Poetry:

Crazy-ass milestone.

Fortuitous e. False rest.

Service, not winning.

The Motivation:

When I chose these words, the Olympics were on. Watching those athletes doing what they do…just WOW! They have such dedication to their sport and to their country. It’s pretty cool to see them reach new personal bests and record times. I heard an interview with one of them that said they had started training for this Olympics after the last day of the previous Olympics. Four years of dedication. How do they do it?

At the beginning of August I started the Insanity exercise routine…It’s a two month series of DVDs that are pretty intense. Well, I kept up with it for about two weeks. I wish I had just an ounce of their dedication. Makes me tired just thinking about it.

July

The Words:

Dependence
Favorite
Pleasure
Relaxation
Time

The Vision:

The Poetry:

Sure relaxation.

Time, dependence suspended.

My fav'rite pleasure.

The Motiviation:

Imagine your favorite thing to do in the world. Then imagine that you no longer enjoyed it. When you did it, the only thing you could think about is how you shouldn’t be having fun. That’s how these past few weeks have been for me. Things that I used to like doing no longer hold the same pleasure.

We received a very generous gift for our wedding, a couple’s massage. With everything going on before the wedding, then after the wedding, we weren’t able to find a good time to do it until two Saturdays ago. Neither of us have ever had a massage. It’s supposed to be a time to relax and decompress. I have to admit, it was nice. A little odd having another man’s hands all over me, but nice nonetheless.

I know that with time the sadness will lessen; at least that’s what people tell me. I’ll remember the good times, appreciate those, rather than dwell on the loss. I’ll depend on others to get me out to do those fun things, and hope that the pleasure comes back.

June

The Words
Family
Grief
Mama
Strength
Sympathy

The Vision



The Poetry

Mama. Family.

And then she's gone. Grief erupts.

Sympathy. Strength. Growth.

The Motivation

This one is hard. My mom died on May 31^st. I really didn’t want to pick the five words, and I’m not sure I want to write this. Over the past almost three weeks I’ve found that sometimes writing helps, sometimes it just brings more tears.

People have come out of the woodworks with sympathy. All of the cards, calls, emails, messages, texts, and visits have meant so much to me and my family. People offer sympathy in many different ways, all of them meaningful and appreciated.

I’ve had to pull strength that I didn’t know I had. As have others who were close to my mom. It’s amazing how the mind and body cope with grief, stress, and death. Each one unique, but similar still.

I find myself wanting to pick up the phone and talk to her about everything…and nothing at all. Ironically, my mom is the one person who could have comforted me during such a devastating situation. She is who I would have turned to, told her how I was feeling, all the details. I will never forget the details from that day.  I need my mama.

May

The Words

Bittersweet
Chivalry
Hot
Rain
Tequila


The Vision



The Poetry


Bittersweet chivalry
Hot mess in the morning rain
Tequila (makes) panties (fall off).


The Motivation

The day I chose these words was a Saturday, May 5^th, so one of the words is obvious! I love me some tequila and what better day to drink it than Cinco de Mayo. Bring on the lime and the salt, it’s time for shots! Last year I learned a new way to take tequila shots. Check it out.

Another event happened on the day I chose these words. Just before leaving the house to drink some tequila (of course) with friends it began to pour down rain. You’ve heard about the guys who lay their coats down over puddles and hold open your door, etc., I just never thought I’d have one. Ok, the coat over the puddle is extreme, but on this Saturday, with rivers of rain in the front yard, and me in a long skirt, my hubby ran out and backed the truck into the driveway so the passenger door would be closest to me coming out of the house. i.e., less time for Shanpie in the rain. And all without me having to ask or hint. That is my idea of chivalry.

I hinted last month about another new beginning. Yes, there was the wedding, but while on my honeymoon I found out I got a new job. So I put in my two weeks and began the countdown of my last days at a place I’d worked for 12 years. This was bittersweet in every sense of the word. So fun to be starting in a new place. So sad to be leaving such great people and some true friends.

I don’t remember why I chose the word hot. Maybe the tequila killed too many brain cells that day.

April

The Words

Begin
Celebrate
Growth
Obsession
Spouse

The Vision



The Poetry

Where do I begin?

If there is a beginning.

Circles have many.

Yet we pick a start.

It really doesn't matter.

And we celebrate.

We rejoice in growth.

At least when it's what we like.

We are weird that way.

It's our obsession.

Our fascination with change.

Though it might kill us.

Then we add a spouse.

That font of high blood pressure.

Can we do it twice?

The Motivation

This month I’m celebrating new beginnings. One which I knew about at the time of choosing the five words, and one which popped up recently (more on that one later).

Some of you may have read about my obsession over details for the wedding. Luckily, everything went off without a hitch. I credit my OCD obsessing and of course the help of numerous friends and family. We could NOT have done it without their help!

Having a spouse to understand my obsessions, grow through life together, and accept me for who I am is priceless.

March

The Words

Dreams
Nature
Neighborly
Normal
Scared


The Vision


The Poetry

I used to have dreams,

Painted visages, day, night,

Better than reality.

Nature taunts me now.

Is what I remember real?

Or a stray fragment?

Misplaced neighborly

Nonsense, those things I forget.

Who's to know anyway?

Normal: Not a word

I'd use to describe these dreams,

Shadows fleeting truth.

Walk, scared in twilight.

So did I, or did I not?

We might never know.

The Motivation

Why did I select these words? Well, as with the other months, it’s because of personal life as well as world events. Weather in NC and the US in general has been freaky, to say the least. This month it seems NC skipped straight from winter to summer, and the tornadoes, blizzards, drought, and flooding elsewhere in the US is non-stop. The towns that need rain don’t have it. The Midwest gets tornadoes. The list goes on.  Just this morning we awoke to thunder and lightning, followed by a rainbow. Though it never fails; in times of weather emergencies the community comes together to help their neighbors. It’s inspiring.

I’ve been having very vivid dreams lately. Not sure why… Something I ate before bed? Something I saw on TV? Stress? Who knows, but I don’t like it. Is it normal to dream like this? Is anything I do normal? I began asking myself this question last month and started a blog to document random happenings just for fun.

And lastly, this month I’m scared that my next marriage will end up like my first. Not in a “cold-feet-I-want-to-back-out” sort of way but in a “please-dear-Lord-let’s-get-it-right” sort of way. Fingers crossed, that feeling is normal.

February

The Words

Companion
Crazy
Love
Memories
Win


The Vision

The Poetry

I have a long list

Dreadful words we must banish

Crazy is on it

Loving companion

They keep saying I need one 

I'd prefer a cat

I hate that feeling

The one of being in love

World swirling, helpless

Memories fleeting

As the darkness rushes in

Panic stricken eyes

Win, lose, draw, forfeit

So what's all the living for

The hug of the one

The Motivation


Well, it’s February. And what happens every February? That’s right, Valentine’s Day. Through the years I’ve had mixed feelings about Valentine’s Day. The early years when you gave and received cards and candy hearts to the members of your elementary school classes. The middle years when you ordered carnations to send to friends in your high school class. My early twenties when I was married and things were “good”. Then at 30, when the last Valentine’s Day that I was married was one of the biggest fights we ever had and I decided I wanted out. Yep, it’s been a mixed bag of good and bad.


Now, I have a relationship that is respectful, loving, and God-willing, will last a lifetime. Yep, I’ve definitely hit the relationship jackpot. Though hitting an actual jackpot wouldn’t be too bad either!

January

The Words

Blessings
Death
Friendship
Hopeful
New


The Vision



The Poetry

New smile growing warm
Feeling, tendrils weaving, fear
Is this shifting real

Hopeful, careful smile
Reaching, yearning, guarded, calm
Will it bear the weight

Friendship growing, close
Darkness lifting, parting slow
Is this feeling real

Death unasked, unwanted
Rending, shredding, screaming souls
Can I bear it now

Blessings waiting, his
Seeking, searching, warming light
Stepping forward, slow



The Motivation

New Year, new blog. Pressure. The five words I provide will be the impetus each month for two very creative people to do what they do best, tell a story. One with words, the other through a picture. So what five words do I choose? Naturally, I chose words that have some bearing on the world in general, as well as in my own personal world.


Last month was stressful; as I’m sure it was for a lot of people. The holidays tend to do that to people. Through the stress, my friends were there to lean on. I am fortunate to have reconnected with some old friends, and to understand what true friendship means.


The holidays also can be a time of reflection on the blessings that we have. A loving family, full bellies, and a warm bed, to name a very few.


Though it’s the birth of a new year, two experiences with death hit very close to home this month. The first was a colleague who passed away just two days in to the new year. I can’t do justice to what a kind, vibrant, and beautiful soul he was. But this article can. He will be greatly missed. The second is a reflection on what it must be like to near the end of your life. Recently, my grandmother got very sick and was hospitalized. When visiting her, I couldn’t help but wonder what she is thinking about her own mortality. Wondering to herself, will this be it? This hospital and these machines will be where I spend my last days? And what happens after that? It scares me to think about getting old and nearing death. I am hopeful that she is on the road to recovery, and I am thankful that I have Faith.